pikestaff: (My Little Pike Pony)
I'm not sure if I'm getting sick or not. Maybe? I'm chugging down Vitamin C just in case.

In other news work is cutting my hours like crazy. As nice as it is to have 3-4 days off a week, my paycheck is crying tears of pain and anguish. Despite that, I still like my job quite a lot.

So I'm never on LJ anymore, how is everyone??
pikestaff: (March Hare)
Sometimes I go back and look at old LJ entries of mine from like... a year prior and read them to see what I was doing at this time last year and see if I've made any progress at life related things. Did you know that at this time last year I was terribly emo and distraught? LOL WASHINGTON.

I think I need to start LJ'ing more, for my own sake more than anything. I've always kept a journal of some sort and this is the closest I've got to one anymore. It's an interesting scrapbook of my life. Also apparently I've only LJ'd six times in the last two months. I am a terrible person.
pikestaff: (Twilight Sparkle - Crazy!)
Well I still hate my job but at least between the 40 hours a week + occasional overtime I'm making a decent profit for the first time in about three years. If things continue to go this way I should be able to start making double payments on my car either this month or next, and then if I can talk my student loans into slashing my monthly payment in half (and I should be able to, according to some new Obama thing I heard about recently) then I'll be able to start making double payments on my credit cards which I dumped so many medical bills and such into.

And of course there's also the Visiting Huxley Fund! I'm thinking either late spring or late summer for a visit, depending on how things go. I don't want to go in the peak of summer because of the Olympics going on in London so I'm sure flight prices are going to be wonky.

Writing and editing is always hard work but I'm trying to keep up with that, too. If I can turn it into a small but steady supplemental income then I'll have achieved my goal and I'll be happy.
pikestaff: (My Little Pike Pony)
My life is pretty boring. Although I'm getting 40 hours a week now at work apparently! I wonder how long that will last. And I wonder how long it will be until it drives me (even more) nuts.

Tomorrow is my one (yes, one) day off this entire week so I will play Crusader Kings 2 all day. Because that game is amazing so far. A+++ would play forever.
pikestaff: (Pony Marine)
Lately I keep having weird recurring dreams where I'm left feeling helpless and terrified. Things like losing my job, or being tugged around and forced to move again. You know, stuff that has happened to me before and that apparently has imprinted myself into my subconscious as some sort of post-traumatic-stress thing.

Wish I was self-sufficient and could control my own life! Oh well. There's a part of me that thinks I'm actually happier being a semi-leech who only works 25 hours a week and doesn't have to pay rent, because it allows me to work on things like writing and is probably better for my social-anxiety-riddled mental health in general. I can't decide if it's bad/irresponsible to think that or not.

Anyways the same old is up with me. Work is still the same. I'm still jobhunting for something better, to no avail. I'm barely keeping afloat with money but saving up is extremely difficult. It seems like I always need more money for something. I need to see the eye doctor because my eyesight is getting worse and I need new glasses, I need new tires on my car, I need a new computer because this one is starting to fall apart, I need to get a passport and visit Huxley, I need I need I need. First world problems, I guess. Pretty high-on-the-totem-pole first world problems (cause things like eyesight and transportation are pretty important), but still first world problems nonetheless.
pikestaff: (Devious Snaps)
I haven't written a post updating my life in a little while so here we go!

Overall things aren't bad; the meds and therapy are making a big difference, I think. I feel more optimistic about things in general and the panic attacks are, thankfully, much more sparse than they have been in the past. My therapist recently mentioned that I seem to handle small, "daily" goals much better than bigger, more long-term ones, and I have to agree with her, so I've been trying to incorporate more of those into my life. As a result I'm finally doing things like digging through boxes of crap from years ago (throwing away old schoolwork is a painful but necessary sacrifice) and working on editing Cricket Song, which was NaNo 2010.

I'm also trying to take more walks and stuff in the mornings. Not particularly to lose weight or get in shape or anything, but now that I'm almost 30 my metabolism has noticeably slowed and I want to at least maintain an "average" build while still being able to eat like a pig. I have lovely life goals, don't you think?

Lastly, work recently fired the third of three people to have been fired in the last two weeks or so. And not just quietly and with a little pink slip-- we're talking being escorted out mid-shift and told not to return. These are older people with families, too. The rumors are flying around like crazy but of course the higher-ups aren't talking. I find myself wondering if they're just looking for excuses to fire people now, since Sears Holdings Corp. is in such deep financial doo-doo. Hopefully I'll be gone before I can find out.
pikestaff: (Photo Finish)
Work is stressful but I am surviving! I now have my schedule all the way up through Christmas Eve, and it's not as bad as I was expecting. I mean, sure, I have a few difficult shifts-- Sunday, for example, I'm working until half past midnight (followed by a morning shift the next day), and then in the days leading up to Christmas I have a few soul-crushing 5:30am shifts in a row. But... I dunno, I guess I was bracing myself for having a whole pile of wonky shifts and I only got a few of them. The rest of my shifts are actually pretty decent. So I'm grateful for that!

Anyways as soon as January hits I'm going to begin looking in earnest for either a.) a new job entirely or b.) a part-time job to supplement my current one. Yup. That is the plan.

I'm doing good lately. I've got a wonderful boyfriend, I'm 3424 words into my new book and still going strong, I'm playing some great vidya and I'm SO much happier here than I was in Washington. So much happier! :D


Nov. 6th, 2011 08:51 am
pikestaff: (March Hare)
Lately I'm feeling more optimistic than I have in a long while.

"Windshifter" is slowly inching its way toward 100 copies sold across all venues-- sales have slowed considerably, as I expected, but that's okay. I'm writing more. I'm going to publish more. Things are going to get better.

Work sucks, but I think I'll be able to deal with it until I can find something better (I'll probably start looking in earnest after the holidays, once things settle down a bit.) And it's paying the bills. Finally.

My panic attacks, while not completely gone, have smoothed out a bit and are coming farther apart and fewer in number. It might be the meds, or it might be things calming down in my life, or it might be a bit of both. I'm not complaining, either way.

I'm reading more than I have in a good long while. I'm playing a lot of video games and enjoying them immensely. I have good friends. Have I mentioned that I'm writing a lot? I'm writing a lot. NaNo is going well so far; I'm currently working on building up an early lead because the second half of this book is going to be more difficult. I'm doing the occasional art project. Huxley and I are both working on saving up money so that we can eventually get a visit going. Then it'll be onward to something a little more permanent.

All in all, things are good. I just have to be patient, and then everything is going to be okay.


Oct. 1st, 2011 09:42 am
pikestaff: (Steampunk Vinyl Scratch)
So they finally got the background check in at Kmart and I start working on Tuesday. I'm about as excited for this as one can get for a boring retail job. At least I'll have a paycheck again, I guess?

Living with my dad is a lot different from living with my mom, and not really in the way that I would've expected. I think my dad has prodded me to "eat healthier" more since I've been here than anyone else has in the rest of my life combined. He is also fond of pointing out that I owe him $2000 (he loaned that to me so I could get started on car payments, several years ago) and he also loves to remind me that I have a bunch of junk in the garage to sort through. And you know, it's all well-meaning, especially the stuff about eating healthier, but I think it just comes off as overbearing because he gets lonely REALLY EASILY and he likes to pop into my room and talk to me. He really has no one else-- my brother is just as reclusive as I am-- and whereas my mom had all my sisters and her boyfriend, my dad has no one.

I try not to get annoyed by it. He's giving me free rent after all (at least until I get situated); he's buying me food, and he's doing what normal people do-- which is seek human interaction. I don't think he quite groks that I don't operate that way, but I don't want to mention it, because, again, he's the normal one here, not me. That's how I feel, at least. So I let him talk to me, and we went to a movie together (Lion King 3D) last Sunday, and I think that really made his night.

AAAANYWAYS I'm trying to teach myself to be patient because barring a miracle it's going to be at least two or three years before my financial situation starts looking halfway decent again, and the whole immigration thing (Huxley is in England and we want to get him over here, for those of you who missed the memo the first time around) looks fairly intimidating. It will all be worth it, of that I've no doubt, but patience is the key and I'm having a tough time reminding myself of that. xD It's tough when everyone else your age is getting married and having kids and buying houses and stuff, and you're not. Not gonna lie!
pikestaff: (Default)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, obviously.


I'm not gonna lie; the past couple of days have been rough. I got the paycheck I'd been waiting on from OfficeMax, but it was about a third of the size that I thought it would be. Which means I'm getting another paycheck in a couple of weeks, I'm sure, but that doesn't do much to help me NOW. Similarly, I can't start working for Kmart until the background check goes through, and it's been a week and it hasn't gone through yet.

So I am broke.

I've had a few people, both family and friends, who have been loaning me money. And I'm very appreciative of them, but on the other hand it sort of makes me feel like a burden. Someone who does nothing but beg people for money. Logically I know that's not true; as Huxley mentioned to me the other day, the only time I even dream of broaching the subject is when I'm truly desperate. Still, I feel bad. I wish I didn't have to rely on everyone else for everything. I wish I wasn't almost 30, stuck at home, getting help with money and wondering how on earth I'm ever going to get Huxley over here and join that elusive "adulthood club" and do all those "adult things" I'm supposed to do, like start a family and whatnot, if I can't afford it.

More and more I feel left behind by the rest of society, and it's not easy to deal with.

Here I am~

Sep. 18th, 2011 07:57 am
pikestaff: (Default)
Made it to Bozeman late last night. Driving in was surreal-- it felt like I'd never left and that this whole last year was just a fading dream.

That illusion was dashed a bit upon entering the house, which has been pretty much redone. Since my dad and brother have been the only ones living here, the whole place has a distinct "bachelor pad/mancave" sort of feel with the big TVs, Xbox 360, massive computer networking hub, a closet full of soda, etc. On one hand, I'm okay with this, and also DELICIOUS FAST WIRED INTERNET.

But on the other hand, you can tell it's been well over a year since the place has had a good deep cleaning. I mean, the place is superficially tidy, but underneath you can really tell that nothing has been scrubbed in a while. The fridge is looking pretty bad, for example. It makes me really miss my little fridge that I couldn't bring.

My room is set up nicely overall, though. I do miss my computer chair-- couldn't fit that either, so I'm using a dinky and terribly uncomfortable one until I can afford a new one, and who knows when that will be?

Anyways. I want to drive around town and go pick some things up at Wal-Mart and such but I look and feel pretty awful-- I'm exhausted because I didn't go to bed until very late last night, slept fitfully, and then woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep, and on top of that I haven't had a shower since Friday. My allergies, which largely disappeared in Washington, are promptly back to destroying me, as well. :x So Wal-Mart might have to wait a bit.

Anyhow! Back to... derping around online and maybe trying to take a nap, I guess?
pikestaff: (My Little Pike Pony)
Ahaha wow I've gotten terrible at updating this thing, haven't I?

Honestly not a whole lot is going on; I'm down to less than a week before I move and I think I'm going to spend a good bulk of today packing and sorting through stuff to find things I don't need. Space is going to be VERY limited, probably more limited than I thought it would be initially, but whatever gets left behind is getting tossed, so... yeah. Gotta make some decisions.

Looking forward to a fresh start back in MT. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to make up for this whole lost year.


Sep. 3rd, 2011 07:06 pm
pikestaff: (Pinkie Pie - Bounce)

I'm... I'm not sure what emotion I'm feeling right now, if I'm feeling anything. Either it hasn't quite sunken it yet, or any highs are being counterbalanced by the stress of having to pack, having to deal with my new job (I told them "sorry to be That Guy, but I'm probably leaving already" today, we didn't finalize anything though) and all the other assorted emotions.

How odd. This all happens just as I was starting to think I could make things work here. Life is funny. I think things will work out better in Montana. There are more jobs over there (that sounds counterintuitive, but trust me here), and I think I'll just... be happier.

Lemme tell you what, though.

Four or five times a week for the last ten months I've taken a little road called Highway 20 all the way from here to work. It takes 40 minutes to drive from this house to a junction up by Burlington where you can turn onto I-5 and head south to Seattle, where you then turn onto I-90 and go east. But I'd always pass by it to head into town and go to work.

I can't count the number of times I've fantasized about being able to on-ramp onto that highway and go back to Montana, rather than continue driving into town and go to work.

And two weeks from today I'll actually be able to do that.

And that's pretty great.


Aug. 24th, 2011 01:56 pm
pikestaff: (Twilight Sparkle - Sadface)
At this point it looks like I'm staying here, the biggest reason by far being that I have no idea how to get my stuff over to Montana. After double checking all around, it turns out that no one in my family can afford a big truck or the gas that said big truck would require, and I don't want to give my stuff away because that would be complicated and would also mean I'd basically have, well... nothing left. Which sounds pretty materialistic, but hey, I'm kind of fond of having, I dunno, a dresser and a mattress and stuff. Anyways, I'm not quite that desperate yet. (Although I might be, soon.)

Unfortunately this locks me into being stuck here for another year. I had a lot of people in my last post suggest I wait to move until I secure a job over there; the downside with waiting to move is that I have a limited window of four months or so where the precarious mountain passes between here and Montana aren't covered with snow and ice. That window is about to close, and then I'll be stuck here, whether I want to be or not, until next summer. And knowing that I'm SO CLOSE to being able to move before I have to bunker down and deal with another long winter here, and then choosing to turn down that opportunity, is tough to do.

So, yeah, it's... looking like I'm stuck here, unless a bunch of money turns up from out of nowhere in the next week or so. I've had people suggest I just e-publish Windshifter already, which I honestly really want to do ASAP if only so I can finally get the danged project off of my back, but remember that Amazon only pays out four times a year or so. Not to mention, I'm not gonna pin any financial hopes on an e-book from a new and untested author. I mean, it's nice to dream, but I've gotta be realistic here...

Anyways, that's sort of where I'm at right now. I do appreciate all the advice and stuff that everyone has been giving me, and I apologize for my panicking and flailing and whatnot... I guess I will just have to make the best of it.
pikestaff: (Rainbow Dash - Do Not Want)
I'm writing this all out here mostly as a way to try and sort my thoughts (and also beg for advice.)

Read more... )
pikestaff: (Applejack - Thinky)
So I guess I never update LJ anymore! It's probably a cross between my life being boring, and having mostly been hanging out on G+ these days.

Sooo yeah nothing really is happening. I've applied for a couple of jobs in town; one has been calling me so hopefully that turns into a lead of some sort. I'm (very slowly and painfully) plinking away at Camp NaNoWriMo.

One of my cherry barbs is on his way out :( He's one of the fish that I've had for years and that survived two moves, including one all the way out here to Washington. I'm sad about it.

That's pretty much it. As I said, boring life.
pikestaff: (Giddy Snaps)
A few weeks back I dropped a couple of hints about a potentially major change happening; well, it seems to be fairly set in stone so I'll detail it here. It... really isn't as exciting as I probably made it sound. xD

Basically my mom's boyfriend is going to sell his house and buy a new, larger one, and he wants my mom (and by extension, all the rest of us) to move in with him. This would be great, because he's fairly well off, and so this would mean no longer having to scramble around for rent, no more heatless winters, no more wondering if we're going to have power/water the next day or not, actual food, and that sort of thing. The major downside is that the houses he's looking at are all even farther away from my job than we already are, and I simply cannot add more to my commute-- the gas and car wear and tear is bad enough as is-- so, this means looking for another job.

The other problem is that there's really no set timeframe on this; he could sell his house tomorrow, or it might not be for another six months. So basically, we're moving, but we're not sure when.

Now I mentioned in the last post that there were two potential outcomes to this. One is, of course, the one I detailed above. The other possibility is moving back to Montana to be with my dad (and a lot more job options, by way of knowing a lot of people over there). This is the route I would probably take if it got close to moving day and I had absolutely no job leads over here. I talked to my parents about this and both have assured me that if this turns out to be the case, they will do everything in their power to help get me back to Montana.

ANYWAYS, that's what's up. Really, I would be happy with either outcome-- either is miles away better than the situation I'm in now. I think it's hard for my sisters... the thought of suddenly having a nice-guy-who-is-not-Dad being the father figure in the house is weird to them, and understandably so! But for me, personally, I think I would be happy with it, especially if it makes my mom happy. And if I have to move back to Montana, well hey, I've been wanting to do that for a year now anyway! So. Time to up the ante on the job hunt, it looks like.


In other news, I think I'm going to start making a lot of my "shorter" life updates over at Google+ instead of here. LJ is just sort of dying overall, which is sad because it's still my favorite of all the social networks I've tried, but yeah. Anything super long and rambly (like this) will probably remain over here, though! I know a lot of you have told me that you do read even if you don't post <3
pikestaff: (March Hare)
So, some interesting developments have happened lately in my life. I'll refrain from details for the time being, lest they not come to pass, but there's a good chance that there will be some pretty big changes in my life happening sometime in the next few months and either of the two probable paths that will likely emerge from said changes are A-OK with me. More details on that later!

Still looking for a new job, though, with little results. At least I'm getting enough hours/sales these days to barely keep me afloat.

So yeah! Other than the fact that I'm currently terribly sick with some sort of cold/flu bug, things are going better than they have in a while.
pikestaff: (Default)
So that Video Game Meme took up most of last month. Here's a more proper update:

Script Frenzy: I'm actually not sure if I'm going to finish it this year. I'm sort of struggling along with it at a snail's pace but I'm already rather behind, and it doesn't bother me terribly. I always seem to get more out of NaNoWriMo, for some reason, which is odd because I think I'm better at writing screenplays than I am at writing prose. Ironic, I suppose!

Work and Money: I randomly got more hours than usual these last couple of weeks, and that combined with a few big sales days has got me hoping that this Friday's paycheck is unusually hefty. I'm... trying not to get my hopes up, though.

Anyways, work has promptly nerfed my hours into oblivion again, so even if it is a nice paycheck this week I imagine it will be a one-time thing. Which leads me to...

Jobhunting/Moving?: The realization that whilst I love Montana, I would probably be content being just about anywhere, has got me considering just looking for a job around here and calling it good. There seem to be more job openings in the vicinity lately. I'll see how my hours are looking when I see next week's schedule. (I already know that next week is going to be weird since I have to go to this all-day long trade show thing at some point-- pretty sure I'm getting paid for it, though.) At least I know I have a place to go in Montana if crap really hits the fan-- which, knowing my luck, is always a possibility.

Aaaanyways, yeah. I'm feeling so much more optimistic about things as of late. Huxley has been such a big help, I don't even know where to begin with that. As terribly cheesy as I'm sure this will sound, just knowing he is there to talk to makes me feel better about even the worst or scariest things. It doesn't matter how sucky the rest of my life is-- I can come home and derp around with him and be silly on Civ and 4chan, and feel better. I also think it's neat that we're facing a lot of the same challenges-- for example, we've both written books and are looking into the big scary world of publishing-- and being able to have someone to commiserate with is just wonderful. <3 <3

Tax Refund!

Feb. 9th, 2011 03:22 pm
pikestaff: (March Hare)
Federal refund + Montana State Refund (WA doesn't have one, apparently... they do Sales Tax instead) equaled out to about $1300, which was deposited into my bank account today.

With the money I promptly got an oil change for my car and bought a birthday present for my sister, and also invested in a Sony Reader which happened to be on clearance.

It looks exactly like this:

I bought it partially because I've wanted one forever, and partially because I owe like five different people NaNoWriMo Draft Read-throughs and I figure this way I could just upload them here and read them wherever I want... say, at work, for example. Or on the bus, which I need to figure out, since work is doing things like scheduling me six days a week and putting 300 miles a week on my car is stupid when I could just man up and figure out the bus.

The rest of the money is going straight into bills/savings. I've sort of turned this "whittling away my debt" thing into a game; it's fun to put a little more than the minimum into payments so I can see how much smaller the minimum payment is the next time... and then do it again.

I'm still in dire need of a job that is more than 30 hours a week, and that preferably does not require a full tank of gas each week in mileage, but until then I at least am staying afloat, and that's a good step to climbing out of the hole I dug myself into. I won't make the same mistakes again.

September 2013

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